“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

With that in mind, Leonard’s problem upset you not only because he was and is a friend. You did not get that upset over Bill Gallagher. Leonard lives alone, however, and though he has brothers and sisters, you thought of him as alone. The situation triggered many fears, about you and Ruburt being alone, your age, the age of your brothers, who would come to your aid, or Ruburt’s. If necessary, Leonard at least had a knowledge of the medical world, while you and Ruburt do not. The connection between Leonard working at the school, and Loren—all that was in the background. One event or another would serve to connect all of those issues. This noon, for example, after going downtown, leaving your painting, you found that Ruburt wanted a few more windows done, and the innocent window became a symbol, combining the idea of chores with your fear: if anything happened to you, who would do the chores for Ruburt?

(10:00 PM. Jane’s pace had been fast and steady. I think she’s done a remarkable job of keeping her own equilibrium during my own troubles with the “Leonard affair.” She agreed. I was still upset with myself, however. The business involving Leonard is the only major event that’s penetrated my own attempts to concentrate in the moment, since I embarked upon that endeavor some weeks ago. I’d thought I was doing fairly well there, but evidently Leonard represents a host of old fears that rose up en masse when triggered, and caught me unprepared. But my learning seems terribly slow and ineffectual.)